[Wei Wuxian leaning his head on him just serves to make Lan Wangji even more acutely aware of how close they are, and he has to take a deep, steadying breath through his nose to keep his mind focused. Truly, this is a harder test than anything he's faced before.]
What would you do if I said "yes"?
[He's not-- saying it outright, but. Listen. He just wants to know where Wei Wuxian thinks this is going, okay. Is it even possible to fluster him back, or does he actually have a flirtatious response to everything? Lan Wangji's always assumed the latter--he knows he has no hope of winning anything with words, even if he'd wanted to. But something brazen's taken hold of him, and he speaks before he thinks. It's becoming a bad habit and it's entirely Wei Wuxian's fault.]
["Is it even possible to fluster him back" IF ONLY IT WAS POSSIBLE TO FLUSTER HIM BACK!! Honestly he'd be flustered if he knew this was legit and didn't just think it was Lan Wangji refusing to lose to him at gay chicken, god.
It is possible to surprise him, though. Lan Wangji's done it again and again in the span of just a few minutes - more surprises than he's gotten from Lan Wangji outside of Surprise Death in ages. He's a terrible gremlin with no face to lose, though! The antes are being upped and Wei Wuxian's not about to be outdone.
So he unhooks his demon hands from Lan Wangji's arm, instead moving one up to his cheek and sitting upright--]
Then it would only be fair if I gave you a better angle to look at, right?
[--So he can, in one fluid motion, slide himself over onto Lan Wangji's lap instead. Now Lan Wangji doesn't have to turn his head to look! He grabs this poor soul's face with both hands, grinning and fully expecting like .2 seconds before he gets kicked down into the lava below.]
[WELP, that sure does get Lan Wangji to snap out of whatever bold haze possessed him. His eyes widen, ears flushing, and he immediately grabs Wei Wuxian's waist to bodily lift him up and slam him to the wall beside them. HE'S FLUSTERED AS HELL but he's not going to dropkick Wei Wuxian into the lava, even though it's absolutely what this gremlin deserves.]
Don't--!
[Don't tease he almost, almost says--but that would be giving away far too much, so he cuts himself off, and just sort of. Stares, eyes still wide.]
[TERRIBLE. Wei Wuxian, that is - considering he's sure seeming pretty a-okay for someone who just got wholeass slammed into a wall. There was definitely a hotass second there where he fully expected to feel the burn of lava instead of the solidness of the wall, and even though he's a bit winded by it, he's still wheeze-cackling...]
Ha-- ow, ow— Ahaha - Lan Zhan, how cute! [HIS RED EARS. He reaches forward to tweak one gently with a hand, scrambling to right himself. At least he doesn't sit in Lan Wangji's lap again, even if he still sticks himself right back against his side.]
Come on, be kind to me. I'm still not warmed up all the way.
[It only takes him a second to realize where his hands are, and he snatches them back like Wei Wuxian actually is on fire, turning away to rest his fists on his legs again. He's so rattled that he doesn't even see Wei Wuxian going for his ear, and the glare he shoots him is harsher than he'd intended--not that that means a whole lot, considering his eyes are STILL FUCKIN BRIGHT RED.]
Inappropriate. [He mutters it, embarrassed at his own wild overreaction, at Wei Wuxian's shamelessness--and frustrated with himself, for reasons he doesn't dare get distracted by here.] Behave yourself.
[He says as if that's ever going to happen in a million years, but look. He's not pushing Wei Wuxian off of him, that's the best Mr. Gremlin is going to get after that stunt.]
[IT WOULDN'T MEAN A LOT ANYWAY since Wei Wuxian has a natural immunity to dirty and angry looks.]
I will, I will. [Ah, the flippancy of a demon. He'll accept not being pushed off for all of like 5 seconds before he's trying to barnacle onto Lan Wangji's arm again...]
Show me some mercy, will you? I haven't warmed up yet. I'll be good this time, it's a promise! Just kick me into the lava if I break it.
[HE'D DO IT IN A HEARTBEAT IF HE THOUGHT IT WOULD WORK (no he wouldn't).
He does sigh out loud this time, side-eying him a little longer like he's debating pulling away again--but then he settles, albeit with less grace than he usually has. Cut him some slack, he's being TORTURED OVER HERE.]
How long will this take? [If it lasts all afternoon he's definitely going to combust from his Big Gay Feelings.]
Unconsciousness would require greater trust than this.
[AS IF HE'D LEAVE HIS UNCONSCIOUS BODY IN THE HANDS OF WEI "ACTUAL DEMON" WUXIAN even though that's exactly what he does during their promposal. Listen, shut up.]
[TO BE FAIR THAT WASN'T ENTIRELY HIS CHOICE it's not his fault his reflexes are insane.]
Lan Zhan! We've known each other for this long already and you can still say things like that to me? I'll be dead for the last time by the time you trust me at this rate!
[Maybe it's because they've known each other this long that Lan Wangji doesn't trust his little gremlin soul...]
[That's true. At least he punched himself instead of taking his panic out on the nearest trees.
Also yeah he's absolutely just giving Wei Wuxian a look that says "you know exactly what you would do if unsupervised around someone's unconscious body and it would be utterly embarrassing at minimum."
He figures that doesn't need to be voiced, so instead, easily--] I trust you when it matters.
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What would you do if I said "yes"?
[He's not-- saying it outright, but. Listen. He just wants to know where Wei Wuxian thinks this is going, okay. Is it even possible to fluster him back, or does he actually have a flirtatious response to everything? Lan Wangji's always assumed the latter--he knows he has no hope of winning anything with words, even if he'd wanted to. But something brazen's taken hold of him, and he speaks before he thinks. It's becoming a bad habit and it's entirely Wei Wuxian's fault.]
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It is possible to surprise him, though. Lan Wangji's done it again and again in the span of just a few minutes - more surprises than he's gotten from Lan Wangji outside of Surprise Death in ages. He's a terrible gremlin with no face to lose, though! The antes are being upped and Wei Wuxian's not about to be outdone.
So he unhooks his demon hands from Lan Wangji's arm, instead moving one up to his cheek and sitting upright--]
Then it would only be fair if I gave you a better angle to look at, right?
[--So he can, in one fluid motion, slide himself over onto Lan Wangji's lap instead. Now Lan Wangji doesn't have to turn his head to look! He grabs this poor soul's face with both hands, grinning and fully expecting like .2 seconds before he gets kicked down into the lava below.]
Better?
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Don't--!
[Don't tease he almost, almost says--but that would be giving away far too much, so he cuts himself off, and just sort of. Stares, eyes still wide.]
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Ha-- ow, ow— Ahaha - Lan Zhan, how cute! [HIS RED EARS. He reaches forward to tweak one gently with a hand, scrambling to right himself. At least he doesn't sit in Lan Wangji's lap again, even if he still sticks himself right back against his side.]
Come on, be kind to me. I'm still not warmed up all the way.
[IT'S HIS WIN, HE DESERVES SOMETHING NICE.]
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Inappropriate. [He mutters it, embarrassed at his own wild overreaction, at Wei Wuxian's shamelessness--and frustrated with himself, for reasons he doesn't dare get distracted by here.] Behave yourself.
[He says as if that's ever going to happen in a million years, but look. He's not pushing Wei Wuxian off of him, that's the best Mr. Gremlin is going to get after that stunt.]
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I will, I will. [Ah, the flippancy of a demon. He'll accept not being pushed off for all of like 5 seconds before he's trying to barnacle onto Lan Wangji's arm again...]
Show me some mercy, will you? I haven't warmed up yet. I'll be good this time, it's a promise! Just kick me into the lava if I break it.
[That is certainly one way to warm up.]
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He does sigh out loud this time, side-eying him a little longer like he's debating pulling away again--but then he settles, albeit with less grace than he usually has. Cut him some slack, he's being TORTURED OVER HERE.]
How long will this take? [If it lasts all afternoon he's definitely going to combust from his Big Gay Feelings.]
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I don't know! An hour? Half an hour? It's not that bad if it's a little bit of time, is it?
[He seems pretty comfortable at least, even if Lan Wangji's not the most comfortable bed in the world.]
If you get bored, just take a nap or something.
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ALSO WHAT THE HECK IT HAS NEVER ONCE BEEN UNFAIR AND ALWAYS PROVOKED even if the provocation was just Wei Wuxian existing.]
No.
[TO WHICH ONE. (To all of it but he'll never admit it.)]
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Hah, really? And here I thought you'd take any chance to be unconscious while stuck with me! Braver than you look.
[Of course he naturally assumes Lan Wangji is referring only to the "just take a nap" part.]
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[AS IF HE'D LEAVE HIS UNCONSCIOUS BODY IN THE HANDS OF WEI "ACTUAL DEMON" WUXIAN even though that's exactly what he does during their promposal. Listen, shut up.]
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Lan Zhan! We've known each other for this long already and you can still say things like that to me? I'll be dead for the last time by the time you trust me at this rate!
[Maybe it's because they've known each other this long that Lan Wangji doesn't trust his little gremlin soul...]
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Also yeah he's absolutely just giving Wei Wuxian a look that says "you know exactly what you would do if unsupervised around someone's unconscious body and it would be utterly embarrassing at minimum."
He figures that doesn't need to be voiced, so instead, easily--] I trust you when it matters.