[WOW THAT WAS SURPRISINGLY FORCEFUL. What the fuck is in this package, a cardigan with a nipple window??
Unfortunately, as always, a strong reaction just riles up his inner bully and makes him want to tease. He gives Lan Wangji's hand a little squeeze, leaning forward with a grin.]
Hah - don't you know, Lan Zhan? When you tell me no, I just want it more.
[THE ABSOLUTE WORST... He doesn't want to lose his source of warmth though, so he's quick to back off, waving the package around.]
[It is this until proven otherwise, which Lan Wangji probably still thinks is just a weird pattern and not mesh.
But-- good, at least it's put away. Now he won't have to explain why he's returning the brush that's folded up in there as well, which is just. Too fucking awkward a conversation to have in person. AT LEAST LET HIM EXPLAIN VIA TEXT MESSAGE where he can take as long as he wants to put his words together.
Lan Wangji relaxes minutely once the package is gone--enough that, with his other hand free, he only hesitates briefly before he holds it out in offering. It's a much bigger gesture than he's making it out to be, but he's not about to indicate that and embarrass himself further, so here they are.]
[WHY DID HE NOT TOUCH IT TO FEEL THE MESH, DID HE NOT NOTICE WHEN HE WAS FOLDING THE BRUSH AWAY OR DID HE JUST NOT NOTICE oh my god. What a fuckin fool. Absolutely the worst.
It's fine though since Wei Wuxian is also the worst... He blinks owlishly at the free hand offered to him, canting his head to the side a little.]
Oh? Are you offering to warm me up, Lan Zhan?
[WHAT A CHIVALROUS FOOL. Wei Wuxian laughs - more of an actual laugh and less of his usual cackling - and immediately GRABS THAT HAND. Which he then promptly plants on his other cheek, so Lan Wangji is sandwiching his face now.]
--except then Wei Wuxian is stealing his hands for lewd face-sandwiching purposes, and it's decidedly not fine anymore. He inhales sharply, but he was the one who offered, and Wei Wuxian really is ice cold to the touch. It would be cruel to deny him, and Lan Wangji doesn't make a habit of taking things back as it is, so. Here they are.
Staring at Wei Wuxian's face when they're like this is probably weird, and it's definitely inappropriate, but Lan Wangji can't bring himself to look away. Terrible.
He stands there, trying to keep his thoughts under control, until the silence would be uncomfortable for anyone besides Wei "utterly impervious to awkwardness" Wuxian. Eventually, he trusts himself to open his mouth again.]
[Yeah he's lucky Wei Wuxian just lets any and all awkward shit slide like water off a duck's back. Does he even notice how awkward the direct staring and silence is?? PROBABLY NOT. He's too busy feeling triumphant for some reason that he's actually managed to get Lan Wangji to hold his face like this, even if it's because he's freezing to death.
As the seconds pass, it does seem like he was telling the truth about the charm, though. His cheeks warm up beneath Lan Wangji's palms, and his posture relaxes a little, not full of quite so much of the rigidity that comes along with Being Cold.]
Mmhm! It's nice - much better than before! I'm still pretty chilly, though.
[Just in case Lan Wangji was thinking "oh okay good I can let go now". NO. NO ESCAPE. He keeps Lan Wangji's hands locked with his own, humming out a cheery little nonsense tune as the lava fuckin burbles away above and below them. This is fine.]
You don't mind doing this until I'm warm again, do you? It's not like we have anywhere else to go right now anyway.
[It's fortunate that Wei Wuxian makes the decision for him, because it saves Lan Wangji the awkwardness of having to come up with a legitimate reason for not wanting to move away.
His face is far, far too thin to even consider asking if it works without direct contact (NO PUBLIC GROPING ALLOWED), let alone stepping closer so that Wei Wuxian could snuggle, or anything of the sort. He lets Wei Wuxian into his space all the time, but he has no idea how to indicate that he's not just okay with it. That he likes it, even--that he wants Wei Wuxian to mean it.
Even if he did know, that's not a conversation to have while they're both trapped. So all Lan Wangji can do is huff quietly.]
It is fine. [A pause.] We can sit, if you'd like.
[He's getting the feeling they might be here for a while...]
[god i absolutely hate that wei wuxian would 100% take advantage of the situation to be a fullass gremlin but HE'S 100% GONNA TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION TO BE A FULLASS GREMLIN. Which in this case means crowding Lan Wangji over toward the corner of the stairwell as soon as he suggests sitting down.]
Yes, yes - let's sit! I'll be able to conserve body heat better that way.
[IT'S ONLY PARTIALLY BULLSHIT it's true that the best way to warm up is to hunker down in a little ball. But as he tugs Lan Wangji down to sit with him and immediately presses against his side whenever he finally wrangles him to do so, it's clear his intent is just to steal as much body heat from this poor soul as possible and warm up that way instead. He's also still clutching one of Lan Wangji's hands in his own, which he holds to his chest like a teddy bear.]
Is this fine? Do you mind it, Lan Zhan? I'm feeling warmer already!
[THIS IS YOUR GREMLIN, AKI. THESE ARE YOUR CHOICES.
Lan Wangji, for his part, didn't prepare his lil ol' heart for such abrupt agreement. He blinks, allowing himself to be herded and dragged down out of sheer surprise, and by the time he tenses up, Wei Wuxian's already snuggling up against him.
WELL... THIS IS HIS LIFE NOW, APPARENTLY.]
...Mm.
[It's the most noncommittal reply ever, but he's fighting down the instinct to jerk away and accidentally shove Wei Wuxian into the lava (which is, in turn, a defense mechanism to protect him from his Inappropriate Desires). THERE'S A LOT GOING ON HERE not that it shows on his face.
Very, very slowly, he manages to relax, so that Wei Wuxian isn't cuddling up to a statue. Then, after a lot of internal deliberation, he carefully shifts his arm so that it's wrapped more securely around Wei Wuxian. He's as tentative as a rabbit and liable to flinch away and lose his nerve if a bird chirps too loudly nearby, but listen. HE'S TRYING.]
[THANKS FOR NOT SHOVING HIM INTO THE LAVA. To be honest, he's pretty surprised he isn't shoved away, regardless of whether it's into the lava or just into the opposite wall or something. When Lan Wangji starts to relax, it fills his chest with a warmth he can't say is entirely because of the charm, and a strange sort of longing that he promptly shoves into a box and refuses to examine closely.
He has other and more important things to focus on, anyway. Like BEING A SHIT. He's absolutely just being a barnacle at Lan Wangji's side now, even being so BOLD as to rub his cheek against his shoulder.]
You're the best! Have I told you that lately? You really are, you know. I'd have died of hypothermia by now, haha - what a stupid way to go.
[STOP DON'T RUB ON HIM LIKE THAT he's going to expire from gay panic before they even escape this hallway and then they'll never make it to prom...
He doesn't roll his eyes, nor does he give Wei Wuxian his usual Look, since he's staring straight ahead and trying to keep calm. He does, however, huff quietly.]
You know plenty of people who would be willing to help you. [He doesn't particularly want to think about it, but Wei Wuxian's popularity is an undeniable fact.]
[Wow how is he supposed to be able to enjoy tormenting Lan Wangji if he won't even look at him?? Terrible. Wei Wuxian pouts obnoxiously, pulling his face away a little so he can get a better look at him.]
This close to prom? There's no way I trust anyone to not try killing me in some stupid, weird way that would be hard for me to see coming.
[Implying death is not hard to spot when it comes from Lan Wangji... BUT LOOK. HE'S NOT WRONG. HE DIES ONCE A WEEK, IT'S ALWAYS STUPID. He has a lot of friends but just look at how many of them try to kill him. At least with Lan Wangji he just knows he has to avoid getting stabbed!
And this way, he doesn't have to think too hard about the actual reason he'd bother to seek Sir Slab Of Marble himself out first before and above literally anyone else. God.]
[NO MERCY, NO SYMPATHY WHATSOEVER. ...Also yeah he's not wrong and honestly Lan Wangji doesn't even care. He isn't aspiring to be the most creative assassin around, he just wants to be efficient. He can follow Wei Wuxian's logic, as well; outside of assignments, Lan Wangji usually only kills people who've broken the rules; Wei Wuxian is the first person to goad him into it just by riling him up, and he still never engages in kills just for fun.
Lan Wangji carefully does not think about why he has no desire to kill Wei Wuxian when his personal space is being invaded like this. THEY'RE DOING GREAT WITH THEIR NOT THINKING OVER HERE.]
[He'd wave a hand dismissively right about now if he wasn't busy koala-ing still. Maybe he's playing a little game of "how long with Lan Wangji let me get away with this"... He's already a little surprised by the apparent answer, which is longer than .01 seconds. He never anticipated this??]
I don't invite them to! [He says, having literally offered his service as a murder victim up to Itaru a week or two ago.] They just know they can have a good time with me, probably.
[Absolutely terrible phrasing. HE REALLY CAN'T EVER LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE.]
[Lan Wangji's a little surprised at himself, honestly. Maybe it's the fact that no one else can stumble upon them here that's making him more receptive. It could be because he'd steeled himself earlier, since he had been actively seeking Wei Wuxian out, before they ended up here.
(Or maybe he wants to see, just once, what it's like if he doesn't automatically fight against what he wants.)
Regardless, Wei Wuxian's not going to make it easy on him, it seems. Lan Wangji fixes his gaze on the wall across from them, ignoring the urge to cross his arms like a child.]
Hm.
[HE PICKED UP ON THAT PHRASING AND HE DOESN'T LIKE IT ONE SINGLE BIT.]
[God please no a petulant Lan Wangji is one of the most fun to heckle... Actually all Lan Wangjis are the most fun to heckle BUT LOOK.
What a prickly reaction, though... What a prickly guy! He sighs, curling his fingers into the crook of Lan Wangji's elbow to give his arm a petulant tug or three. He is absolutely pouting. What a goblin-like creature. Just throw him into the lava goddamn.]
Aiyo, Lan Zhan - why don't you ever look at me when we're talking unless you're trying to kill or scold me? Is my handsome face too much for you? Come on, don't talk to the wall. I'm much more interesting!
[STOP WHY MUST HE BE HECKLED!! What has he ever done to deserve this... yeah though Wei Wuxian should absolutely be dumped in the lava. Unfortunately, Lan Wangji's just going to sit here and let himself be pulled on, so no flesh-melting accidents here.
He breathes out through his nose, heavily tempted to ignore Wei Wuxian, and keep staring at the wall. They're already far too close--all this touching is hard enough for him to handle, and he doesn't want to hear Wei Wuxian's joking flirtations, especially right after being made to think about him with other people. (FUCKIN ITARU.) It would be easy enough to hold out; he has plenty of practice ignoring Wei Wuxian.
But--they are pressed together like this, and he knows himself. He won't pull away, or let Wei Wuxian pull away, until the charm has worn off. And if he's already permitted himself this much, then...
On a whim, he shifts, turning to stare directly at Wei Wuxian's face with the sort of intent focus he reserves for very important things.
[HE MUST BE HECKLED BECAUSE HE'S LAN WANGJI, THE MOST FUN PERSON TO TEASE AND RILE UP IN THE HISTORY OF LITERALLY EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING EVER!!
Wow though he didn't actually expect that. There's a second where he's blinking in open surprise... But then he's just GRINNING A GREMLIN GRIN. It's easier to not be flustered when 1) his face is thicker than Arctic ice and 2) he's sure Lan Wangji is just doing this because, as usual, he can't seem to help but rise and take the all-too-obvious bait. Which just makes him want to bully more! The vicious cycle continues!! If only he wasn't so fun to tease for mysterious reasons he can't figure out.
Apparently they're playing gay chicken now though, since he leans in further himself, definitely too close to be appropriate. He's still chilly, but the way he hugs Lan Wangji's arm to his chest is absolutely just a flirtatious tease this time instead of an attempt to warm up.]
Well? What do you think, Lan Zhan? Do you like what you see?
[THE CYCLE CONTINUES especially because this Lan Wangji doesn't know how to play gay chicken. HE JUST IS GAY. SAVE HIM FROM THIS GAME HE DIDN'T AGREE TO PLAY.
Wei Wuxian earns himself a sharp inhale, and Lan Wangji's eyes dart across his face, taking in his expression. It makes him press his lips together, brow furrowing in apparent discontent--but he gave in and looked when Wei Wuxian asked him to, so he isn't going to look away now. He's tensing up again, and his hand twitches where it's still resting on Wei Wuxian's side, but otherwise he seems to be doing his best statue impersonation.]
Shameless. [It's the best reply he's got when he can't actually say "no".]
[AH, THE GOOD OL' "SHAMELESS". It's been a while (read: probably since like yesterday) since he's heard that from Lan Wangji. He laughs, bold enough to rest his chin on the shoulder of this man who's stabbed him for less. Look?? He hasn't been stabbed yet??? It just makes him want to keep testing his boundaries, see how far he can push it before he crosses the line.]
Mm, you've said that before, yes. You know, at this rate I'm going to actually start to believe it's true!
[But gosh how could it ever be!! He, an innocent Wei Wuxian, has never been shameless a day in his life.]
But you know, Lan Zhan - that isn't a yes or a no. How rare! I'll have to remember this.
[Wei Wuxian leaning his head on him just serves to make Lan Wangji even more acutely aware of how close they are, and he has to take a deep, steadying breath through his nose to keep his mind focused. Truly, this is a harder test than anything he's faced before.]
What would you do if I said "yes"?
[He's not-- saying it outright, but. Listen. He just wants to know where Wei Wuxian thinks this is going, okay. Is it even possible to fluster him back, or does he actually have a flirtatious response to everything? Lan Wangji's always assumed the latter--he knows he has no hope of winning anything with words, even if he'd wanted to. But something brazen's taken hold of him, and he speaks before he thinks. It's becoming a bad habit and it's entirely Wei Wuxian's fault.]
["Is it even possible to fluster him back" IF ONLY IT WAS POSSIBLE TO FLUSTER HIM BACK!! Honestly he'd be flustered if he knew this was legit and didn't just think it was Lan Wangji refusing to lose to him at gay chicken, god.
It is possible to surprise him, though. Lan Wangji's done it again and again in the span of just a few minutes - more surprises than he's gotten from Lan Wangji outside of Surprise Death in ages. He's a terrible gremlin with no face to lose, though! The antes are being upped and Wei Wuxian's not about to be outdone.
So he unhooks his demon hands from Lan Wangji's arm, instead moving one up to his cheek and sitting upright--]
Then it would only be fair if I gave you a better angle to look at, right?
[--So he can, in one fluid motion, slide himself over onto Lan Wangji's lap instead. Now Lan Wangji doesn't have to turn his head to look! He grabs this poor soul's face with both hands, grinning and fully expecting like .2 seconds before he gets kicked down into the lava below.]
[WELP, that sure does get Lan Wangji to snap out of whatever bold haze possessed him. His eyes widen, ears flushing, and he immediately grabs Wei Wuxian's waist to bodily lift him up and slam him to the wall beside them. HE'S FLUSTERED AS HELL but he's not going to dropkick Wei Wuxian into the lava, even though it's absolutely what this gremlin deserves.]
Don't--!
[Don't tease he almost, almost says--but that would be giving away far too much, so he cuts himself off, and just sort of. Stares, eyes still wide.]
[TERRIBLE. Wei Wuxian, that is - considering he's sure seeming pretty a-okay for someone who just got wholeass slammed into a wall. There was definitely a hotass second there where he fully expected to feel the burn of lava instead of the solidness of the wall, and even though he's a bit winded by it, he's still wheeze-cackling...]
Ha-- ow, ow— Ahaha - Lan Zhan, how cute! [HIS RED EARS. He reaches forward to tweak one gently with a hand, scrambling to right himself. At least he doesn't sit in Lan Wangji's lap again, even if he still sticks himself right back against his side.]
Come on, be kind to me. I'm still not warmed up all the way.
[It only takes him a second to realize where his hands are, and he snatches them back like Wei Wuxian actually is on fire, turning away to rest his fists on his legs again. He's so rattled that he doesn't even see Wei Wuxian going for his ear, and the glare he shoots him is harsher than he'd intended--not that that means a whole lot, considering his eyes are STILL FUCKIN BRIGHT RED.]
Inappropriate. [He mutters it, embarrassed at his own wild overreaction, at Wei Wuxian's shamelessness--and frustrated with himself, for reasons he doesn't dare get distracted by here.] Behave yourself.
[He says as if that's ever going to happen in a million years, but look. He's not pushing Wei Wuxian off of him, that's the best Mr. Gremlin is going to get after that stunt.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[NOT NOW. He sure sounds forceful about that wow... don't look at him JUST PUT IT AWAY.]
Open it later. It will get destroyed if you drop it. [look he's not wrong]
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Unfortunately, as always, a strong reaction just riles up his inner bully and makes him want to tease. He gives Lan Wangji's hand a little squeeze, leaning forward with a grin.]
Hah - don't you know, Lan Zhan? When you tell me no, I just want it more.
[THE ABSOLUTE WORST... He doesn't want to lose his source of warmth though, so he's quick to back off, waving the package around.]
But fine, fine! I'll store it away, I won't peek.
[INTO HIS SLEEVE IT GOES.]
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But-- good, at least it's put away. Now he won't have to explain why he's returning the brush that's folded up in there as well, which is just. Too fucking awkward a conversation to have in person. AT LEAST LET HIM EXPLAIN VIA TEXT MESSAGE where he can take as long as he wants to put his words together.
Lan Wangji relaxes minutely once the package is gone--enough that, with his other hand free, he only hesitates briefly before he holds it out in offering. It's a much bigger gesture than he's making it out to be, but he's not about to indicate that and embarrass himself further, so here they are.]
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It's fine though since Wei Wuxian is also the worst... He blinks owlishly at the free hand offered to him, canting his head to the side a little.]
Oh? Are you offering to warm me up, Lan Zhan?
[WHAT A CHIVALROUS FOOL. Wei Wuxian laughs - more of an actual laugh and less of his usual cackling - and immediately GRABS THAT HAND. Which he then promptly plants on his other cheek, so Lan Wangji is sandwiching his face now.]
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--except then Wei Wuxian is stealing his hands for lewd face-sandwiching purposes, and it's decidedly not fine anymore. He inhales sharply, but he was the one who offered, and Wei Wuxian really is ice cold to the touch. It would be cruel to deny him, and Lan Wangji doesn't make a habit of taking things back as it is, so. Here they are.
Staring at Wei Wuxian's face when they're like this is probably weird, and it's definitely inappropriate, but Lan Wangji can't bring himself to look away. Terrible.
He stands there, trying to keep his thoughts under control, until the silence would be uncomfortable for anyone besides Wei "utterly impervious to awkwardness" Wuxian. Eventually, he trusts himself to open his mouth again.]
...Better?
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As the seconds pass, it does seem like he was telling the truth about the charm, though. His cheeks warm up beneath Lan Wangji's palms, and his posture relaxes a little, not full of quite so much of the rigidity that comes along with Being Cold.]
Mmhm! It's nice - much better than before! I'm still pretty chilly, though.
[Just in case Lan Wangji was thinking "oh okay good I can let go now". NO. NO ESCAPE. He keeps Lan Wangji's hands locked with his own, humming out a cheery little nonsense tune as the lava fuckin burbles away above and below them. This is fine.]
You don't mind doing this until I'm warm again, do you? It's not like we have anywhere else to go right now anyway.
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His face is far, far too thin to even consider asking if it works without direct contact (NO PUBLIC GROPING ALLOWED), let alone stepping closer so that Wei Wuxian could snuggle, or anything of the sort. He lets Wei Wuxian into his space all the time, but he has no idea how to indicate that he's not just okay with it. That he likes it, even--that he wants Wei Wuxian to mean it.
Even if he did know, that's not a conversation to have while they're both trapped. So all Lan Wangji can do is huff quietly.]
It is fine. [A pause.] We can sit, if you'd like.
[He's getting the feeling they might be here for a while...]
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Yes, yes - let's sit! I'll be able to conserve body heat better that way.
[IT'S ONLY PARTIALLY BULLSHIT it's true that the best way to warm up is to hunker down in a little ball. But as he tugs Lan Wangji down to sit with him and immediately presses against his side whenever he finally wrangles him to do so, it's clear his intent is just to steal as much body heat from this poor soul as possible and warm up that way instead. He's also still clutching one of Lan Wangji's hands in his own, which he holds to his chest like a teddy bear.]
Is this fine? Do you mind it, Lan Zhan? I'm feeling warmer already!
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Lan Wangji, for his part, didn't prepare his lil ol' heart for such abrupt agreement. He blinks, allowing himself to be herded and dragged down out of sheer surprise, and by the time he tenses up, Wei Wuxian's already snuggling up against him.
WELL... THIS IS HIS LIFE NOW, APPARENTLY.]
...Mm.
[It's the most noncommittal reply ever, but he's fighting down the instinct to jerk away and accidentally shove Wei Wuxian into the lava (which is, in turn, a defense mechanism to protect him from his Inappropriate Desires). THERE'S A LOT GOING ON HERE not that it shows on his face.
Very, very slowly, he manages to relax, so that Wei Wuxian isn't cuddling up to a statue. Then, after a lot of internal deliberation, he carefully shifts his arm so that it's wrapped more securely around Wei Wuxian. He's as tentative as a rabbit and liable to flinch away and lose his nerve if a bird chirps too loudly nearby, but listen. HE'S TRYING.]
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He has other and more important things to focus on, anyway. Like BEING A SHIT. He's absolutely just being a barnacle at Lan Wangji's side now, even being so BOLD as to rub his cheek against his shoulder.]
You're the best! Have I told you that lately? You really are, you know. I'd have died of hypothermia by now, haha - what a stupid way to go.
[NOT AS STUPID AS HIS OTHER DEATHS.]
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He doesn't roll his eyes, nor does he give Wei Wuxian his usual Look, since he's staring straight ahead and trying to keep calm. He does, however, huff quietly.]
You know plenty of people who would be willing to help you. [He doesn't particularly want to think about it, but Wei Wuxian's popularity is an undeniable fact.]
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This close to prom? There's no way I trust anyone to not try killing me in some stupid, weird way that would be hard for me to see coming.
[Implying death is not hard to spot when it comes from Lan Wangji... BUT LOOK. HE'S NOT WRONG. HE DIES ONCE A WEEK, IT'S ALWAYS STUPID. He has a lot of friends but just look at how many of them try to kill him. At least with Lan Wangji he just knows he has to avoid getting stabbed!
And this way, he doesn't have to think too hard about the actual reason he'd bother to seek Sir Slab Of Marble himself out first before and above literally anyone else. God.]
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[NO MERCY, NO SYMPATHY WHATSOEVER. ...Also yeah he's not wrong and honestly Lan Wangji doesn't even care. He isn't aspiring to be the most creative assassin around, he just wants to be efficient. He can follow Wei Wuxian's logic, as well; outside of assignments, Lan Wangji usually only kills people who've broken the rules; Wei Wuxian is the first person to goad him into it just by riling him up, and he still never engages in kills just for fun.
Lan Wangji carefully does not think about why he has no desire to kill Wei Wuxian when his personal space is being invaded like this. THEY'RE DOING GREAT WITH THEIR NOT THINKING OVER HERE.]
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I don't invite them to! [He says, having literally offered his service as a murder victim up to Itaru a week or two ago.] They just know they can have a good time with me, probably.
[Absolutely terrible phrasing. HE REALLY CAN'T EVER LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE.]
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(Or maybe he wants to see, just once, what it's like if he doesn't automatically fight against what he wants.)
Regardless, Wei Wuxian's not going to make it easy on him, it seems. Lan Wangji fixes his gaze on the wall across from them, ignoring the urge to cross his arms like a child.]
Hm.
[HE PICKED UP ON THAT PHRASING AND HE DOESN'T LIKE IT ONE SINGLE BIT.]
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What a prickly reaction, though... What a prickly guy! He sighs, curling his fingers into the crook of Lan Wangji's elbow to give his arm a petulant tug or three. He is absolutely pouting. What a goblin-like creature. Just throw him into the lava goddamn.]
Aiyo, Lan Zhan - why don't you ever look at me when we're talking unless you're trying to kill or scold me? Is my handsome face too much for you? Come on, don't talk to the wall. I'm much more interesting!
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He breathes out through his nose, heavily tempted to ignore Wei Wuxian, and keep staring at the wall. They're already far too close--all this touching is hard enough for him to handle, and he doesn't want to hear Wei Wuxian's joking flirtations, especially right after being made to think about him with other people. (FUCKIN ITARU.) It would be easy enough to hold out; he has plenty of practice ignoring Wei Wuxian.
But--they are pressed together like this, and he knows himself. He won't pull away, or let Wei Wuxian pull away, until the charm has worn off. And if he's already permitted himself this much, then...
On a whim, he shifts, turning to stare directly at Wei Wuxian's face with the sort of intent focus he reserves for very important things.
YOUR MOVE, GREMLIN.]
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Wow though he didn't actually expect that. There's a second where he's blinking in open surprise... But then he's just GRINNING A GREMLIN GRIN. It's easier to not be flustered when 1) his face is thicker than Arctic ice and 2) he's sure Lan Wangji is just doing this because, as usual, he can't seem to help but rise and take the all-too-obvious bait. Which just makes him want to bully more! The vicious cycle continues!! If only he wasn't so fun to tease for mysterious reasons he can't figure out.
Apparently they're playing gay chicken now though, since he leans in further himself, definitely too close to be appropriate. He's still chilly, but the way he hugs Lan Wangji's arm to his chest is absolutely just a flirtatious tease this time instead of an attempt to warm up.]
Well? What do you think, Lan Zhan? Do you like what you see?
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Wei Wuxian earns himself a sharp inhale, and Lan Wangji's eyes dart across his face, taking in his expression. It makes him press his lips together, brow furrowing in apparent discontent--but he gave in and looked when Wei Wuxian asked him to, so he isn't going to look away now. He's tensing up again, and his hand twitches where it's still resting on Wei Wuxian's side, but otherwise he seems to be doing his best statue impersonation.]
Shameless. [It's the best reply he's got when he can't actually say "no".]
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Mm, you've said that before, yes. You know, at this rate I'm going to actually start to believe it's true!
[But gosh how could it ever be!! He, an innocent Wei Wuxian, has never been shameless a day in his life.]
But you know, Lan Zhan - that isn't a yes or a no. How rare! I'll have to remember this.
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What would you do if I said "yes"?
[He's not-- saying it outright, but. Listen. He just wants to know where Wei Wuxian thinks this is going, okay. Is it even possible to fluster him back, or does he actually have a flirtatious response to everything? Lan Wangji's always assumed the latter--he knows he has no hope of winning anything with words, even if he'd wanted to. But something brazen's taken hold of him, and he speaks before he thinks. It's becoming a bad habit and it's entirely Wei Wuxian's fault.]
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It is possible to surprise him, though. Lan Wangji's done it again and again in the span of just a few minutes - more surprises than he's gotten from Lan Wangji outside of Surprise Death in ages. He's a terrible gremlin with no face to lose, though! The antes are being upped and Wei Wuxian's not about to be outdone.
So he unhooks his demon hands from Lan Wangji's arm, instead moving one up to his cheek and sitting upright--]
Then it would only be fair if I gave you a better angle to look at, right?
[--So he can, in one fluid motion, slide himself over onto Lan Wangji's lap instead. Now Lan Wangji doesn't have to turn his head to look! He grabs this poor soul's face with both hands, grinning and fully expecting like .2 seconds before he gets kicked down into the lava below.]
Better?
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Don't--!
[Don't tease he almost, almost says--but that would be giving away far too much, so he cuts himself off, and just sort of. Stares, eyes still wide.]
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Ha-- ow, ow— Ahaha - Lan Zhan, how cute! [HIS RED EARS. He reaches forward to tweak one gently with a hand, scrambling to right himself. At least he doesn't sit in Lan Wangji's lap again, even if he still sticks himself right back against his side.]
Come on, be kind to me. I'm still not warmed up all the way.
[IT'S HIS WIN, HE DESERVES SOMETHING NICE.]
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Inappropriate. [He mutters it, embarrassed at his own wild overreaction, at Wei Wuxian's shamelessness--and frustrated with himself, for reasons he doesn't dare get distracted by here.] Behave yourself.
[He says as if that's ever going to happen in a million years, but look. He's not pushing Wei Wuxian off of him, that's the best Mr. Gremlin is going to get after that stunt.]
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